In many ways it has felt like time stopped for me on May 22nd with the heartbeat of our youngest son, Thomas. I look at the calendar and wonder how 6 months have passed.
With each day I remember more of ‘life’ that I’ve forgotten about these last few months, each day unraveling the new version of the prior me.
This past weekend, I had a recertification for my fitness credidation. This is the first time I’ve attended a teacher training since Thomas was born, and while I’m in great physical condition, I will don’t feel or ‘look’ like my prior self. The grief has worn on me in different ways.
As an outsider, you wouldn’t know, no one in the class knew about Thomas which was both refreshing and sad all at the same time.
I was anxious about going, but it ended up being a great experience, and it felt good to have a bit of ‘the old’ me back.
Here I am in the practice session teaching a circuit of moves.
Another part of the old me that I pulled back into my routine the last few months has been my morning reading routine. I read with purpose and try to pick my favorite concept or quote from each day.
This one really stuck with me. I find it works with health, career, fitness, and so much more.
This is proof.
For years I dreamed and dreamed of having s fitness business was, I dreamed of loving my job. 3 years ago I put my plan to paper and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier and more fulfilled with my work.
I am grateful to have such a community to lift me up, the love I have poured or the last few years continues to come back to me.
This holiday season is full of emotions, I’ve always loved the holidays, but there is a void there, wher ethomas should be.
As we decorated I struggled realizing I had not gotten any decorations for Thomas in the same way that I did for Ben, but then I remembered the beautiful ornaments that were given to us in the weeks that followed his birth, lifting me up, remaining me how much love surrounds Thomas’s short life.
I have also found myself seeing his presence more and more each day as the holidays approach, as if he’s telling me, it’s ok Mom, I’m still here.
Elephants are one of our few signs for Thomas, and I have been seeing them all around recently, including this lone elephant that I spotted last weekend.
I am grateful every day for this little boy. He reminds me what I do have, he reminds me also of the ability to balance sadness with joy... the resilience ksonnier a child is unparalleled.
Here he is with our weighted Thomas Bear, exactly the size and weight that Thomas was, 6lbs 15oz and 20 inches.
It took months, but I’m finally into more of a groove with consistent cooking as well. Here is one of my favorites, one I hadn’t made in months - butternut squash crusted pizza (listed under my recipes)
And a recipe I created after visiting an amazing vegan restaurant over the summer - chickpea ‘chicken’ salad (also listed under my recipes)
A go to staple, eggs! Easy to add veggies too and easy to have on hand!
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