Never Compare

Weekly Update:  This week I am up 0.2lbs for a current total of 73.6lbs.  I have been hovering around 75lbs for the past 2 months...sometimes more, sometimes less.  The key is, I'm maintaining and still continuing with my healthy habits.  It may take a bit to lose more, but I'm ok with it and will continue to move forward.  I decided to share the below photos as a reminder.  This is my chapter 75, it may be your Chapter 1. It may be your "I could only hope". Never compare someone else's journey to your own.  I am PROUD of these photos, but I realize that they may look like 'before photos" to many people.   I can't compare myself to those people, and no one should be comparing themselves to these. 

That being said, I spent YEARS comparing my story to others.  Years.  Seriously.  Years.  On the left, is the 'first' time I lost weight.  I was in my early 20s, and I had lost 60lbs on Weight Watchers.   I, however was still not satisfied.  Looking at that girl on the left, I see beauty.  At the time, I felt like a failure, I felt fat, I was 'fixated' on the '13lbs I still had to lose'.  I was 130lbs,  down from over 190lbs, but some chart told me that 117 was the lowest in my 'range', as a perfectionist I wanted that number, I craved that number.   But I could never hit it, so I was never satisfied.  I would eat barely anything all day, exercise for hours and 'save' my points for poor food choices at night.   

I then look at the girl on the right.  I am so happy, so CONFIDENT in my body.  That girl on the right is 32lbs heavier. But to me, she looks happier, and she looks healthy. I am still on my weight loss journey, but I have never been more comfortable with my weight as I am now. I earned this weight, and more importantly, the number does not define me.  I am strong at this weight. I can do push ups, I can run miles and miles. I am happy.

Speaking of running, this week I decided to lace up my running sneakers and hit the pavement. I used to love to run, but added weight made it very hard, that and lack of conditioning.   As I was running, I realized that my run was unprompted by a 'need' to 'burn calories' - it was just something I wanted to do, I felt like doing, and I enjoyed doing.  What a shift from the girl above, the girl above did discover she loved fitness, but she also was focused only on doing it for the sake of eating more.  She would add 5, 10, 15 minutes to get an extra 'point' ... to eat more.  Now I workout, I eat well, and I am happy. I do the two for my health, but they are no longer directly linked in my head. I do not workout so I can eat, I work out so I can move, I eat so I can live.

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I really love this photo, it is proof that I am also working on my ability to relax. I have a really hard time with relaxing.  My mind is always going.  At any given time, I have about 10 to do lists in my head, and 10 more written on paper. I have to do lists telling me what order to do my to do  lists in.  I'm not even kidding.   This weekend I forced my self to unplug and relax.  And...it was nice!

Speaking of relaxing!  I couldn't be having any more fun with my current fitness program. It is totally  not 'me' which is making it that much more fun. I've committed to a 30 day dance program, I may not look like the other dancers, but I feel accomplished and it's fun!

Here is a photo from an event called "Super Saturday" I attended this weekend.  I totally forgot to take photos of my own, and this was taken at an odd angle, but I thought it was important to share.  Super Saturday is an event where coaches just like me from across Connecticut get together to learn, sweat and collaborate.  I haven't missed on since becoming a coach, and I don't intend to!

With the summer months, I've been picking up a lot of extra classes at the gym.  It's the gym I used to teach at when I was working full time at Travelers and so I really enjoy going and seeing familiar faces from my 10 years of going there daily.   The only thing is, I am so accustomed to working out at home these days that I forget most people wear sneakers when they are working out! I usually workout barefoot, so when I got to the gym to teach a friend's cardio class on Monday I panicked when I realized I had forgotten my  sneakers!! Thankfully, she had a spare with my name written all over them.

Rewind a bit to earlier in the week as I talk about food news!  Sunday, as a part of my 'me relaxation' I had planned a day by the pool with nothing but me, a tube and a book.  Well, Mother Nature postponed that plan a little with some rain.  So I decided to make some food instead!  I really love cooking, but usually am doing it along with a million other things at the same time trying to multitask. It was so nice just to take a deep breath and cook some food with no distractions.

Here is one of my creations!  Cauliflower crust pizza (a favorite), with butternut squash cream sauce and an array of garden herbs and veggies.

Here is the butternut squash cream sauce I made!!  Full of veggies and protein...sneaky, sneaky!

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