As the world keeps moving on, I often feel like I'm 'stuck' - my world stopped the day Thomas was born. It's been 3 weeks since we came home, he would have turned 3 weeks this week, and 'life' is starting to move forward for others and for me a big part of it continues to stand still.
I was worried about this, not that I want to be 'sad' all the time or have people constantly reminding me of Thomas, but it's also hard to see that other people are able to truly have fun and enjoy life and a part of me still struggles.
I have been doing a LOT of journaling which is helping me. I also have been keeping track of a lot of posts and comments that have come my way from friends and family.
Recently a friend delivered me food and in it was this banana.
My favorite quote from my weight loss and health journey has been "She Believed She Could, So She Did". I have had shirts made up for many people, including myself with this quote.
This quote now has an entirely new meaning to me. It's about how I will walk through my days, my hours, my minutes. It's about how I will chose to live my life with the memory of Thomas never far behind.
Before losing Thomas one of my biggest 'hards' was the year that followed the birth of our son Ben. I opted to show these photos because it shows a visual of where I was when Ben was 8 months old.
I was consumed by so many stresses of being a new mom, that I totally forgot about myself. As I slowly pulled myself out of it, I realized that taking care of 'me' helped alleviate the stress.
When I left the hospital after delivering Thomas, I knew I had to take care of 'me' first - to eat well, to workout (although this looks extremely different while recovering from a c-section, the 'act' of routine is what really matters right now for me). I needed to do this to really be able to process my emotions as they come up, and to be the best mom for Ben that I can be. He needs me to be healthy as much as I need me to be.
I was worried about this, not that I want to be 'sad' all the time or have people constantly reminding me of Thomas, but it's also hard to see that other people are able to truly have fun and enjoy life and a part of me still struggles.
I have been doing a LOT of journaling which is helping me. I also have been keeping track of a lot of posts and comments that have come my way from friends and family.
Recently a friend delivered me food and in it was this banana.
My favorite quote from my weight loss and health journey has been "She Believed She Could, So She Did". I have had shirts made up for many people, including myself with this quote.
This quote now has an entirely new meaning to me. It's about how I will walk through my days, my hours, my minutes. It's about how I will chose to live my life with the memory of Thomas never far behind.
Before losing Thomas one of my biggest 'hards' was the year that followed the birth of our son Ben. I opted to show these photos because it shows a visual of where I was when Ben was 8 months old.
I was consumed by so many stresses of being a new mom, that I totally forgot about myself. As I slowly pulled myself out of it, I realized that taking care of 'me' helped alleviate the stress.
When I left the hospital after delivering Thomas, I knew I had to take care of 'me' first - to eat well, to workout (although this looks extremely different while recovering from a c-section, the 'act' of routine is what really matters right now for me). I needed to do this to really be able to process my emotions as they come up, and to be the best mom for Ben that I can be. He needs me to be healthy as much as I need me to be.
The last few weeks have been hard, but each day I see more and more 'glimmers' of the old me. I notice myself getting stronger, smiling more.
My 'workouts' look less like shuffling and more like moving.
I am allowing the glimmers in as I continue to work on navigating the hard parts of my day.
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