This past week was nothing sort of challenging.
So many things hit, on top of it already being a hard week. The 22nd of each month is hard, and from what I gather talking to more experienced Loss Moms, it will always be hard.
Subconsciously it sits in the back of my mind when it's coming up.
In addition, we had some hard things come up this week. Like getting calls from the cemetery that our stones were in, and from the hospital that we had additional autopsy results. Things that no parent should ever have to hear.
The week culminated in a wonderful event, an event that I was able to tell Ben before we arrived:
Everyone here is just like us, everyone here has a baby in heaven too.
Being able to say these words to Ben gave me comfort too. Just like us.
While we have so much support, it's hard because unless you've lost a child, it's very hard to truly understand the waves of grief that go with it all. Some days you feel normal, others you feel like you are drowning. Or in the case of this week...some weeks you feel like no matter how hard you try, you are being pulled to the bottom of the ocean with sand bags attached to your legs.
So many things hit, on top of it already being a hard week. The 22nd of each month is hard, and from what I gather talking to more experienced Loss Moms, it will always be hard.
Subconsciously it sits in the back of my mind when it's coming up.
In addition, we had some hard things come up this week. Like getting calls from the cemetery that our stones were in, and from the hospital that we had additional autopsy results. Things that no parent should ever have to hear.
The week culminated in a wonderful event, an event that I was able to tell Ben before we arrived:
Everyone here is just like us, everyone here has a baby in heaven too.
Being able to say these words to Ben gave me comfort too. Just like us.
While we have so much support, it's hard because unless you've lost a child, it's very hard to truly understand the waves of grief that go with it all. Some days you feel normal, others you feel like you are drowning. Or in the case of this week...some weeks you feel like no matter how hard you try, you are being pulled to the bottom of the ocean with sand bags attached to your legs.
Here's Ben all suited up for our event.
I had the pleasure of having a friend come this week, I didn't realize how much I would need her, but she truly came at the right time. She even did a morning workout with me!
Here is another favorite photo from the week, from me teaching. It's rare I get photos of me since I'm usually either teaching or taking photos of the class, so I love when someone snaps one!
We ended the week getting these amazing photos from a photo shoot we did last month with a friend, who was also supposed to be our photographer for Thomas, she did an amazing job of capturing what we have as a family.
And here is a stone that is being made for a garden I'm creating in honor of Thomas, a way to be with Thomas and Ben at the same time.
In food news, I am newly in love with 'chickpea tofu' since leaving out dairy and eggs (and trying to avoid soy). What I love about it is that I can 'add' anything in to it to season it. This is curry tofu!
I've also been getting into stuffed squashes thanks to our CSA, this is some homemade cashew cheese mixed with a stuffed kale southwestern squash and some chickpea salad!
And my new favorite, a veggie burger on toast with cashew cheese!
The cashew cheese was insanely easy to make -lemons, nutritional yeast, tomato, jalapenos and cashews. It took about 5 minutes after I soaked the cashews.
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