Last week ended on a very rough spot. I didn't realize why until I was sitting in the OBGYN's office in tears. It hit me, just like last time the 'rough' had everything to do with the anticipation of my appointment. Going to that same office where I used to get so excited, now has very hard memories.
The good news is, once the appointment was over, all that sadness and anxiety that had been festering slowly started to release, and just in time for our Family trip to Disney.
We planned this trip very last minute, we planned it after Thomas died because I needed a place to go that didn't have Thomas 'in' it. All our other Summer plans had been made with the expectation of having a newborn. I needed to go somewhere fun and happy and exciting that was just for us.
That being said, I have seen Thomas all around us this entire week.
I will start with this photo, because butterflies for us (like many others, I'm sure) have become a sign of Thomas. Before heading to Disney we went to a local museum that had a butterfly garden, this photo was taken at that garden.
Since getting to Disney, I have seen more butterflies than I have ever noticed before at Disney (quite honestly, I've never noticed any here, and now I am seeing them constantly).
Before leaving home, I also had found a lot of solace in some flowers that came to me from various people. One thing that I loved after Thomas was born was the flowers that came into our house. I love the brightness of them. I know not all Loss Moms enjoy flowers after a child dies, but for me it gave me something to brighten my days.
After the first 2 weeks the flowers started to die, and with them my sadness welled up again. So now at 3 months out, it was amazing to me that on one of my harder weeks, flowers came back into our kitchen from various friends. I also rediscovered some flowers that I had dried from various arrangements after Thomas - I had lost them, and this week they magically appeared. Thomas sent them to me when I most needed them.
Once we hit Disney, I was worried, worried that the other moms and babies would trigger me, but fortunately they haven't and I think a big part of it is that this trip was planned knowing we would only be a family of 3, so the triggers don't feel so harsh.
I also am continuing my routine here at the hotel gym with fitness (albeit, food won't be perfect). It always amazes me at hotel gyms how much I realize I miss my at home gym. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true!
The good news is, once the appointment was over, all that sadness and anxiety that had been festering slowly started to release, and just in time for our Family trip to Disney.
We planned this trip very last minute, we planned it after Thomas died because I needed a place to go that didn't have Thomas 'in' it. All our other Summer plans had been made with the expectation of having a newborn. I needed to go somewhere fun and happy and exciting that was just for us.
That being said, I have seen Thomas all around us this entire week.
I will start with this photo, because butterflies for us (like many others, I'm sure) have become a sign of Thomas. Before heading to Disney we went to a local museum that had a butterfly garden, this photo was taken at that garden.
Since getting to Disney, I have seen more butterflies than I have ever noticed before at Disney (quite honestly, I've never noticed any here, and now I am seeing them constantly).
Before leaving home, I also had found a lot of solace in some flowers that came to me from various people. One thing that I loved after Thomas was born was the flowers that came into our house. I love the brightness of them. I know not all Loss Moms enjoy flowers after a child dies, but for me it gave me something to brighten my days.
After the first 2 weeks the flowers started to die, and with them my sadness welled up again. So now at 3 months out, it was amazing to me that on one of my harder weeks, flowers came back into our kitchen from various friends. I also rediscovered some flowers that I had dried from various arrangements after Thomas - I had lost them, and this week they magically appeared. Thomas sent them to me when I most needed them.
Once we hit Disney, I was worried, worried that the other moms and babies would trigger me, but fortunately they haven't and I think a big part of it is that this trip was planned knowing we would only be a family of 3, so the triggers don't feel so harsh.
I also am continuing my routine here at the hotel gym with fitness (albeit, food won't be perfect). It always amazes me at hotel gyms how much I realize I miss my at home gym. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true!
I set up camp in the corner with my ipad, water and mat. It worked but I miss my space!
But that doesn't mean I can't still get up! Hard or not, it's always worth it.
An added perk of getting up early at Disney to workout is the wonderful view on the walk to the gym!
Plus, this little guy kept insisting I do my workout when I asked. I actually did ask him if I should work out on his birthday and with no thought whatsoever he responded:
Yes mom, you HAVE to.
Working out first thing actually helped me, not that I'm surprised, because it got me up and moving so we could get to the park earlier!
And now for some food news (in no particular order)!
In the hotel I made sure to bring my immersion blender, starting each day with my favorite smoothie.
...and of course I had to freeze some bananas to go with it (yep, the mini fridge freezes bananas just fine!)
We also made eggs daily in the hotel - a simple trick: Take 2 eggs and scramble them in a glass container. Put in microwave for 30 seconds at a time stirring between spurts. And voila!
I added eggs and cheese to a wrap and had a wonderful meal!
...and this was all made possible thanks to a new service by Amazon for cities and populated areas called Amazon Now. We literally had veggies and fruits delivered in 2 hours to our hotel room.
And bananas, lots and lots of bananas!
A quick lunch that I was able to make was a wrap with hummus, veggies and a veggie burger.
And then at home I rounded up what I could find for some food prep, including a chickpea mash and veggie ratatouille!
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