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    6 years ago

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Chin Up, Buttercup

Weekly Update:  I've been sharing the last few weeks how much I've been struggling, it started with food but it honesty was an underlying emotional stress - not even really sure the trigger, just the fact that I can pinpoint it that way.   As a result, I was expecting today to be up, but decided I was done 'avoiding' the reality.  It's not about the scale anyway, but that's just one of my points of accountability.  This week I am Up 1.8lbs for a current total of 73.8lbs.

I am sharing a series of photos in this entry to remind myself HOW FAR I have come.  I did not decide to be 'perfect' one day and all of the sudden drop a bunch of weight and become healthy. It has taken work and more importantly RESILIENCE.  

Picking myself up when I fall down,
Looking for things that I'm proud of,
Refusing to 'hate' my current state.

This first set of photos is the first 7 months in this journey.   I remember feeling SO proud of where I was in that February photo.  What's funny is the February photo was my prior "high" from years before.   But when I stopped focusing on numbers an instead on actions I was proud of - I started loving myself more along the way.

My Day 1 was insanely hard. I didn't want to take my photos, let alone look at them.  So I didn't.   The "before" photos that I share (such as the one above) were actually taken a month into working out.  I don't really have a 'true' before and one that is clear - the one below is probably the closest that I have to my true 'starting state'.

I remember my first workouts being so discouraged, but I also realized logically that I would not be getting stronger and fitter in just one day - so I had to push my ego aside and just be proud that I was STARTING.   

I originally did my workouts at 8 or 9pm, whenever my son was asleep.  He was still getting up every 2 hours, and up at 4am 'for the day' so the only time I had any shot at ME time was as soon as he was in bed at night.

Now that I'm in a morning routine (despite this photo, I love it), I wonder how the heck I ever did night workouts.   The thought of doing 'night' these days freaks me out.  

But the thing is, I DID do it, because I had no other option and I was ready to change.

If I needed to do it again, I would.  Sometimes your head needs to push past your excuses. I had many, and most were pretty 'valid' if you had heard them - but none were actually reasons that HAD to stop me.

It was consistency that changed me.  After that Day 1 where I realized I had a choice.  Quit before I really started because I was upset with my 'starting place' - or start anyway.

I chose to start anyway.

And look what happened, each day I got stronger.  It wasn't obvious at first, it was subtle.  Even as I 'lost weight' I couldn't actually see the changes - I was very large, so it was hard to see.   My clothes didn't automatically start getting bigger.  

It took TIME.



And time, consistency and resilience are the same skills I continue to practice.

I haven't been perfect, but I still have things I am insanely proud of.  Like my latest accomplishment, finishing the program Hammer & Chisel for example - this program would have seemed impossible when I started.  A day of it could have put me in the hospital honestly.  But here I am 18 months later, having finished an insanely hard program, and loving it so much that I'm doing it all over again.

And WHY do I do that?

I was ready to LIVE again.

I had a little guy, he was my excuse for a long time.  I needed to focus on him, I was too tired because he was up all the time, I was too overwhelmed as a working mom.

I had let my WHY become my EXCUSE.

But that's not the type of mom I wanted to be.

THIS is the mom I wanted to be.   A mom who brings her son to fitness classes - a mom who shows her son that it's fun to workout, and it's not a punishment.  A mom who is healthy and above all HAPPY.

I have my hard days, but I'm much better now at coping with them and speaking up when I'm struggling.

And on that note, here is some food news!

I hadn't made this in a while but had a play date the other day and no food in the house - I love this particular salad because it's EASY and none of the foods are immediately perishable so it's easy to have all on hand.   Olive oil, quinoa, frozen veggie medley and chickpeas tossed with whatever seasoning you want and you have a kick ass potluck salad!

This has also been an obsession of mine recently - butternut squash mac and cheese! It's insanely easy - and 'feels' bad even though the amount of cheese in it is negligible.  The butternut squash appears cheesy and also 'beefs up' the veggie content!

I have shared these a ton, but I have to continue to do so - I love them!   Chocolate Shakeology with coconut oil - so good, guilt free and so amazing!

And here I am with my all time favorite food - a brown banana!! Yep, I love them brown, I know it's not ideal for many people but I love them!

This I actually can't take credit for but thought it looked fun and I wanted to share!  Anyone who has toddlers will appreciate what fun something like this can be!

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