Look for the Unexpected

I have been struggling a lot with where I "thought" I'd be 3 months postpartum and where I am physically.  I have to remind myself that I also thought I'd have a baby to care for, something that wasn't a part of my postpartum reality.

I have been struggling because since Day 1 from being home, I made sure I moved around and shuffled.  I even went for 'walks' the 4 days in the hospital. I focused on nutrition in and outside the hospital and I consistently move each day.  

So I took a step back, and I did to myself what I do with those I coach.

I asked myself, weight aside, what am I proud of.

One thing I have noticed consistently is that I can kneel without discomfort.  It may sound silly if you've never had an issue kneeling, but for me at my heaviest back in 2013, my knees hurt and my thighs/calves were too big when I tried to kneel.   Yet, since having Thomas kneeling hasn't ever been an issue.

I am also proud that I have consistently worked out (modified significantly the first few weeks after the c-section) since delivery, despite the grief, despite the hormones, despite recovering - I did it BECAUSE of those things.

I have been totally different with my food than I was after Ben.  Mindful of how each choice makes me feel.

Taking a step back and away from the scale, I am very proud of where I am right now.

I also recently added back in a full load of Mommy & Me classes. I was very worried for our week back, going from zero to three this week.   But with my sidekick, I knew it was the right choice.

Here we are before kicking off our first Boot Camp!

I've also been working to make even more time for different types of self care. Including reading. This is a habit I picked up when I started coaching, reading 10-30 minutes a day.  Now my books are about grief, but they are still developing me as a person, a friend, a mother and a coach.

This photo I wanted to include because it's a very symbolic one for me.   The week before Thomas died was Mother's Day.    For Mother's Day my mom planted a garden of Gerber Daisies for me with Ben.  I love Gerber Daisies.  

What I didn't realize is that they keep sprouting all summer long.    Gerber Daisies are what Ben brought me in the hospital. They are a cheery reminder from the dark days I spent after Thomas was born.   As a new one sprouts in the garden every day, I am reminded that Thomas continues to live through me each day, in new ways.

In food news, I wanted to start by sharing a photo of my FAVORITE salad. I can't claim to have made it, but I can say I enjoy it! It's from a local vegan restaurant and complete with veggies, quiona, cashew ranch dressing, 'bacon' and 'chicken' - amazing!

And of course my nightly treat.  I can't imagine my life without this stuff.

While it's already been 3 months since Thomas was born and passed all within the same breath, I am still struggling with 'food prep' so I've been sticking to simple ways to balance out my nutrition.  Here is an example.   I tossed together some veggies from my CSA (basil, squash, zucchini, red onion, tomato) some pepper and some eggs and baked on 350 until it was cooked through! A simple veggie and protein filled yummy meal or snack.

What's even better is I can grab this sauce I had made before Thomas was born (I literally made batches upon batches for months to prepare for being hard up to food prep with a newborn).  

And while I'm struggling on a daily basis to find the new me, I am grateful for the routines of the 'old' me.   I am grateful for my mornings as they ground me.