Family Time

I often wonder how I'll look back at this Summer.  Will I remember the details? Will it be a blur?   I never expected to lose a child, but that is my new reality.  It has forever shaped how I view the world, and how appreciative I am of what I do have.    

This Summer has been a whirlwind of emotions, of details, and of adventure.  This Summer has been hard, and Ben doesn't need it to be any harder than it is.

We took this photo this weekend after our first family hike together.  I thought how the hike would have been if Thomas was with us, but then it occurred to me, that we likely would not have gone on the hike with a newborn.    This photo is a reminder of all we have, and of the joy that we can still bring to Ben's days.   

While I don't feel 'normal' and quite honestly know that I won't ever feel truly normal, I am feeling 'more' like me.   Back to feeling like me during my routines, instead of just going through the actions associated with them.

Instead of getting up and shuffling, I can get up and complain that I'm tired.   

..and act silly when I'm done.

I can also enjoy small things, like my 'birthday freebies' including these Kendra Scott earrings. 

So while I am forever changed by the birth and death of Thomas, I am grateful that as the time has passed I am finding ways to integrate him into our days and conversations that are not always focused around sadness.   The sadness still lingers, but the joy is coming back.

I also have gotten back to my food prep in small buckets.   Here are two simple things I made this week, the first being a hodge podge of foods from our CSA. And the second is my favorite new on the go food - a veggie burger with avocado on lettuce!